comparison & competition

It's what I do more often than not. My biggest weakness and hurdle to overcome.
I think as a woman I am especially prone to it, and my competitive nature only makes it worse.

Because I've been having a hard time lately with comparing myself to others and letting my competitive nature only worsen it, I need to start this post by saying two things:

1. This is my place to vent, organize my thoughts, and leave something for my myself, my children, and anyone else to look back on - either to learn from or to find someone who they can share common emotions with. I would love if this blog would serve as an uplifting aid, or a place to draw strength from, to even one person.

2. I, my family, my life, and my home are all riddled with the same common shortcomings and struggles of any normal family. I am figuring out life the same as everyone else. Please do not feel like you need to compare to anything I post. My heart would break if I have caused anyone the same struggles I have had with comparing myself to others. Realize, on this blog, I am naturally going to share the good and pretty things that make me happy rather than the messy house, spit-up covered everything, and days that I simply want to be over with. I will try and change this and to post not just about the pretty happenings, but the not so pretty, or very average ones as well :)

I am average, but also great.
I know it sound cliche, but it needs to be said. Not just to myself, but to others as well.
This is not a pity post or anything like that, I just feel like maybe I need to say these things out loud to help myself (and maybe anyone else that needs to read something like this).

I have a very hard time thinking I am good enough or that I am doing enough. Between the worlds bombardment of all we should be doing both as mothers in this world as well as how accomplished we should be as women in this day in age, I have a hard time keeping up. Then there are also all the amazing women I have the privilege of interacting with that seem they have it all together. They have kids, work out, make cookies weekly, have a job, a clean house, balanced meals every night in their perfectly DIY decorated house, around their beautiful kitchen table, all while looking fabulous with perfect hair and stylish clothes and a rockin' body. I commend these women who have it (or at least seem to) have it all together. I strive for this, but I am not this.
I laugh every time a thought of a workout routine crosses my mind, I love to craft but simply don't have the time right now, homemade any treat never happens in this house, nor does cleaning (I only remember laundry because I suddenly find someone doesn't have any pants or underwear or something vital to wear haha), if we're lucky Kevin and I might have a quick main dish on the couch while doing homework or work.
Again, I love my life and this is not a pity party, just the reality of my life. This is the stage I am at and I may even never become that magazine perfect mom or housewife - but I am learning that it is ok, and what I am comparing myself to is not very realistic.
I am a good wife and mother, a full time worker, a double major college graduate, a recently certified veterinary technologist, and a strong member of my LDS faith. I forget these things and forget how important they are. I need to remember who I am and how much I actually have accomplished already - not the things I haven't done, because that list is always going to be longer than the things I have accomplished.
I have a temper, I am no stranger to stress and frustration, I mess up, and I ruin things, I regrettably can hold a good grudge, and I have a hard time accepting help from those around me - but it's simply because I'm human and I need to learn from these things. You can't know the up without the down, and heck, I'm still alive!

I (rather, we) need to stop comparing other's strengths to our weaknesses.

I have so many more thoughts on this, but they have not yet organized in my head enough to put them into words, nor am I sure I want to share them with the web just yet, in permanent digital form.

From my heart.